man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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