I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
