i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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