this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
