I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
