DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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