your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
