New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
