Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
