well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
