She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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