Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
