she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
