Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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