i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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