just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
