4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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