my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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