The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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