you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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