Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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