good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
