dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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