It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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