from now on my penis is your penis
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
