So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
