The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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