dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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