I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
