yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
