he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
