Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
