I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
