I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
