I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
