I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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