why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
