there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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