This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
