Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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