she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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