he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
