So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
