fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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