just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
