im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
