I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
