oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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