I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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