i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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