The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize