I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
