ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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