Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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