Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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