I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
