i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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