What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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