We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
