Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
