the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
