Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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