Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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