wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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