I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
