What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
