Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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