I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
