I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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