the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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