My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
