normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
