i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
