I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
