i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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